Achoo

I've been sick in bed for half a week. I don't even have the energy or focus to draw or play a video game, so I guess I'll write a diary entry, since it's been a while.

I'm not 100% coherent right now though so don't have high hopes for this one. Lmao.

Lately I've noticed changes in myself emotionally. I suspect it's partly from birth control, which I started again a few months ago. Certain things I used to love doing, or find motivating, I have no interest in anymore. That's not to say I'm depressed. I still get plenty of joy and excitement from seeing my friends and family, working out, cooking, sex etc. etc. And I'm still drawing regularly, but I don't really care about posting it lately. I've talked about this before but I do think the internet continues to grow more evil every year, and I'm less interested in having any kind of presence, especially on the major sites. Now that everyone is online, big people have their fingers in every single pie. It doesn't feel organic or fun anymore, imo.

And, I think the culture in a lot of the big online spaces is making people really hard to get along with. Well, that's me trying to word things nicely, actually I think it's mentally stunting people. I have friends who are grown adults and refuse to do basic things (work, plan their expenses, shower), and they have no ability to resolve conflicts because they view everyone else as a toxic antagonist who needs to be defeated through shame tactics they copied off twitter and tiktok.

Another thing about birth control. They say people who take it are more attracted to androgyny, and off it prefer masculinity. So I've been paying close attention to see if there's any changes there, but I've noticed nothing. I know as a teenager I liked pretty Final Fantasy-type guys and then grew to like manly guys as an adult. I think that happens to a lot of people. Actually, even Final Fantasy is following that trend I guess. The MC of ff16 is the best male character they've ever made imo (just from a character design standpoint), but I'm still not buying a PS5. I'm playing Sandrock right now and after that I want to play Sekiro.

I'm also still hammering away on a visual novel. I need to not be a perfectionist about it. Some of the best VNs have funny graphics, in fact it's charming imo. I just unfortunately had been playing Switch otome games with absolutely drop dead gorgeous art.

Writing this has perked me up a little bit. I think I needed some mental stimulation, I literally haven't left my apartment in 6 days beyond getting groceries.

But I can tell, reading this over, my performance at work tomorrow will not be good. I don't want to take another sick day though and fall too far behind in my work.